It’s something I’ve been thinking about today. I’ve been separated for 2 1/2 years now and most days I’m pleased of making my own decisions, marching to my own beat, answering to myself (and my mini me) and not sharing a bed with a snoring man… Now I just have an 8yr old, a dog and a cat!
But still niggling away like any human I suppose, I want to be loved, have someone to love, be looked after and just share my day with someone who can talk back and not just drool at me.
I don’t know if I will ever find this, mainly because I’ve been so traumatised and burnt by my previous relationship that I’m not sure I’ll trust anyone again or put up with even a slight raised voice. I understand nobody is perfect and relationships take patience, understanding, give and take etc but I know if anybody even wanted to take on my huge amount of baggage, I’m likely to sabbatage it every step.
Then as much as I’ve come along way in confidence and slowly accepting my worth, I think who would want a disabled, wheelchair using, will only get worse, single mother with an ex capable of ruining most things! On paper I’m nobodies dream partner.
I don’t know why Im being so morbid in thoughts today, possibly because I’ve had a carer in today, my first look into somebody helping me get dressed, which was slightly alien and very invasive.
At this time in my life, I’m thinking my life will consist of a dog, cats and the care of strangers I don’t know… I don’t know how I feel about this 😔