There’s something i need to get off my wheelchair!

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Listen up,

There is a few things that people really shouldn’t do to somebody in a wheelchair, because you really are at risk of a) getting a slap, b) getting yelled out or c) I mow you down!.

5 Things NOT to do – 

Talk about me in the third person

Just because i am sat in a wheelchair, doesn’t necessarily mean i am mentally incapacitated and even if i was its fucking rude to speak too me through someone else! I remember going to a wedding fair and everyone approached my mum presuming that i couldn’t possibly be the one getting married and when told that i was the one getting married, they started to ask her so ‘when’s the big day?‘, gazing over at me once or twice, while using the most condescending voice! Just ask me you pretentious tit.

Lean over me, like i’m invisible 

I maybe 4 ft tall in my chair, but i’m not twiggy nor is my bright green wheelchair hard to see! So why is it when i am perusing the supermarket aisle, is it necessary to lean over me, brushing my nose with your sleeve to grab the butter? You are the worst type of ignoramus’, i would urge you not to do it! The last person to do this to me (the butter guy), found his face pushed away with my hand, PERSONAL SPACE PAL!

Ask me stupid questions, unless you want a stupid answer

‘I bet sitting in that chair is fun’, yes its a fucking thrill a minute! I know the temptation to say this is strong because i’m zipping about at a rapid speed. But it’s not fun i’d rather walk around and not have life limiting issues. And i always get asked ‘if i can have sex’?, the temptation to say ‘No’ my vagina has sealed up is always quite strong. People in wheelchairs are still quite capable of having sex and delivering a world class blow job, okay! The appropriate question would probably be ‘does it hurt?’ and then i would give you a sensible answer. This can however can be bypassed if your going to sincerely ask me, ‘are you going to shrink’ which is something my best mate asked me, genuinely worried that my muscle wasting disease would leave me the height of Dobbie from Harry Potter.

Stare at my legs 

Now i know curiosity gets the better of people and because i am relatively young, people deem it unnatural for me to be in an electric wheelchair. But don’t strut past me, staring hard at my legs like your waiting for a Jesus like miracle to happen! I would far rather someone just asks me why i am in a wheelchair, because i will tell you and explain what Muscular Dystrophy is. The best people for the job are kids, when i’m volunteering in the Youth Centre or School, kids don’t think twice before asking me ‘what is wrong with you’ and i like that bluntness.

Presume i am a dole dosser

It’s easy to presume i maybe joining the fleet of job avoiding, dole dossing, self diagnosed, benefit thieves. But it is highly offensive and how can you judge me before you know me or the job that i had been medically severed from and why i am not at work. Being chucked into the dole dosser category because you are pissed off with your job and mediocre life is not fair and its not my fault you can’t be bothered to improve your life. Maybe you should check yourself, before you riggidy wreck yourself!

Me and my brother










So next time you get the urge to do any of the above, DON’T because you may do it too me and i wont be inclined to ignore you and if i am with my overprotective mother, she will probably chase you down the street yelling expletives. I’m still a person and i can be a really bad  tempered one.






©2017 Orchidrock

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