Depression, is it one sole issue or is it something that we end up with because of a whole array of other issues that snow ball into the inevitable?
With certain other mental health issues, such as Bipolar and schizophrenia I know that is more of an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain or early head trauma etc.
So I wonder about this because, I myself have been down the drug route with depression and know many other people that have taken or are still taking drugs (I’m reluctant to use the word medication because I’m personally doubting whether they do anyone any good). People with depression always seem to be in the process of grieve in one way or another be it divorce, death, betrayal, loss of a job, relationship breakdown or illness.
Why should a dose of Sertraline make somebodies life any better, last time I checked it is not a miracle worker and doesn’t resurrect anyone back from the dead, cure disease or give you a pay rise. It just adds a kick of chemical to our brain that tries to make us feel that little bit happier and I for one didn’t find it helped long term.
I took anti D’s because i was anxious, having palpatations and having some trouble at home, none of that disappeared when I started pumping my body with drugs, which by the way have some fucking ridiculous side effects
- loose stools
- Ejaculation failure
- Other side effects include: abdominal pain, agitation, pain, vomiting, anxiety, hypouricemia, and malaise.
Honestly who in their right mind (excuse the pun) wants any of those side effects, I don’t even know what some of those are! When your already living in a world where you feel the walls are caving in, why the fuck are we encouraged to take ‘medication’ that may make us worse before it makes us feel better.
It seems that the art of talking and listening have been long lost. People are so wrapped up in their own lives that if anybody dares to try talk about a problem, your either shunned and bitched about for being dramatic or told that they’ve had the same problem and there okay or given some unwanted advice or opinion. Sometimes all anyone needs is a compassionate ear to listen and make us feel heard and understood without any judgement.
And sometimes I don’t even think the medical establishment is any bloody good. My first visit to the doctors for depression was a car crash and made me realise that some doctors have no idea what it is like when your lower than a nursing pigs nipple.
I waited with baited breath, wondering what I should say, asking myself do I need mediation and am I normal? The cheery, happy, middle aged,tanned beauty came out to get me. So I went in holding back my tears and she asked me why I had come, so I told her
‘I feel so alone, nobody understands how I feel and I’m constantly in pain with my arms. I’m always tired and I feel like a failure as a parent’
This was all said while crying uncontrollably and snorting while inhaling quickly to catch my breath. The temporary quacks response was
‘Well it might help to remember there are people worse off than you’.
‘So would you like some anti depressants’?
Bravo, you win first prize for the most aloof doctor I’ve possibly ever seen! That’s just what I needed to hear, so with that I asked the last time she felt depressed and how her perfect life was and I was fucked if I was going to listen to some stuck up wannabe doctor. With that I stormed out and it was a while before I looked for solace at the doctors!
I have a very overactive mind and I just want to be loved like anyone else, be it by a partner, family or friends. I have had my fair share of ‘friends’ who in honesty saw my biggest flaw, which is being too nice and wanting to help everyone when they’re in a bad place. This flaw comes from years of struggling with a physical disability, so I can be very empathetic, i can also be quite rude and my mouth tends to go before my brain, but it generally comes from a good place, unless i have a complete aversion to you and everything you are.
What I think anyone with depression actually needs is someone with a notebook to sit and listen, to write down all the blockades in the way of leading a semi happy, functioning life. Then to help you sieve through them and find a logical solution of getting rid of the shit that makes us feel insecure or crappy and just to feel someone has the time to listen without interrupting or looking blatantly bored.
The best thing we have close to starting booting black dog out, is to see a counsellor and this I believe is definitely the first thing anyone should be offered, because as the old saying goes ‘A problem shared, is a problem halved’. And I know in reality everyone says ye okay bitch, easier said than done because of this, that and the other. But when you have the ‘black dog’ visiting you can’t see out the tunnel but believe me finding someone caring, compassionate and logical will help you to start finding your way.
I stopped taking my anti-depressants about 3 ½ years ago, cold turkey because I realised that I may be dealing with my issues better because my brain was numb, but I didn’t want to live a life drugged up tricking myself into believing I was okay, nor did i want to become reliant on a drug because if i wanted that i could of wandered down the road to the local man-child junky and got a ten-bag.
So, I took my problems and started to sort them and 3 ½ years later I’m still doing it.If there’s something that upsets me I either try to fix it and make it work or I kick that shit to the kerb. I now make sure i have a healthy diet which consists of fruit, vegetables, fish, complex carbs, nuts, seeds and I limit my dairy. Of course I have the occasional blow out consisting of pizza, dairy milk chocolate and a shit load of wine. But in life everything is a balance and i firmly believe that our bodies react to what we eat and the environment that we put ourselves in.
We feel shitty so we head to the booze and junk food, which for a short while makes us feel a bit better but long term it makes us feel sluggish, unhealthy and unhappy. We live in a society that is so backwards living on take a way’s, fried food, processed food and fizzy pop. Then when we start to feel crappy we look at how were living and we blame others around us, start fucking shit up, go to the doctors who just say ‘here take some pills’ and we just do it because the doctors must be right and heaven forbid we take responsibility of our own life’s that would be far too cerebral.
People have a dim view on drug addicts, but running around all neurotic on legal drugs prescribed, is it any better? Its just that we were able to say ‘hey I need help’ and the others were in the wrong place at the right time. Were all drug addicts just wanting something to make our mediocre lives seem a little better, be it legal or illegal. If were not on prescription drugs, were smoking, drinking way to much coffee, downing energy drinks or shoving cocaine up our noses. Only difference is when we run out of cancer sticks and death in a can its readily available, so we don’t have to ransack a poor unsuspecting pensioners handbag for a fiver.
I firmly believe the government and medical industry are ruining people inside and out. It’s just common sense surely that a healthier diet, spending some time outside and having someone to talk too would benefit everyone. Instead were pumped full of drugs, the low-income families are screwed over for money so they shop on a budget and I’ve shopped on a budget it entails sugar rammed pasta sauce, processed frozen food and meat which is not organic and cheap milk which is packed full of hormones! Our brains need essential fats which most households diets just don’t contain.
And the vicious circle starts with diabetes, child hood behavioural issues, depression, fatigue and because of feeling shit through crap diet, the energy drinks (DEATH IN A CAN) follow so its easier to function and then in a couple hours time when the sugar crash hits, drink another!. And while this is going on the drug industry is rubbing its fat, sweaty, murderous hands together while you’re picking up your expensive prescription every month because your kidneys have enough glucose to last an elephant a lifetime. And does anyone question your diet, your child’s diet, NO do they fuck they blame it on environment or parenting.
So, my advice to anyone who is feeling a bit crappy, before you ask the doctor to scroll through some illness’ and diagnose you. Do your research, write a food diary and keep track of what your actually eating, drink some more water, get your 8-9 hours’ sleep, ring your parents or best mate and unload, meditate or walk your dog.
But most importantly if your feeling depressed don’t hide away and suffer in silence, its good to talk. Man or women, talking is not weak, dealing with an issue is not weak and depression doesn’t make anybody weird, stupid or crazy. Life is fucking hard and everybody in their life will have to cope with hard times no matter how stupid it seems at the time. So buckle up and get ready to ride the roller coaster, it will go upside down, slow down, speed up, you may even throw up all over yourself but it will get better and you can get off, put your feet on solid ground and slowly walk over to the hot doughnut stand and when you get there enjoy that doughnut because you deserve it!